miserable situation
Once again my husband is leaving me at home with the kids. I realize he doesn't need to take me everywhere he goes, but I'm so lonely and he's the only person I have to talk to. Actually lately I feel like I can't even talk to him. This is my situation...I'm living in a house full of my husband's family. This would be a completely miserable situation even if they were relatively normal. They all add just a little bit of their own drama to the house. Every one of them has said some awful things to my face and behind my back. Because I am the way I am, I usually don't say anything back.(unless they say something to or about my kids) Its a big circle of whispers and gossip about one another and I'm trying to watch what I say even though I don't really talk to any one of them. It's enough to make my head explode. So anyways...not only does he leave me here, but I'm left here with them. They all hate me ,although sometimes they act like they like me to my face. Most of the time I end up hiding in our bedroom with my two kids. Let me tell you how much fun that is. My husband knows all of this. Lots of times I feel like he's leaving me with the enemy. On top of all of this, I was trying to get myself in for some counseling, who never called me after the intake appointment like they were supposed to. So I worked up the nerve to call them and they basically said they would call me when they got around to it. Maybe that's just a big sign to me that, that was all a waste of time. (Just had to vent a little.)
Sometime I really wonder how much longer my marriage is going to last. He's threatened to leave me so many times. The threat usually only lasts for about an hour. He says he loves me. Sometimes I wonder if I put up with too much because I'm so scared of the thought of being out in the world alone. I think that has to be the one thing that scares me the most... is being completely alone.
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I can't imagine how hard it
I can't imagine how hard it is to have your husband's family there, especially when the relationship that you have with them is not the best. Be as strong as you can, but don't let your husband put unrealistic expectations on you. Make sure that you let him know how having his family around makes you feel and that you feel like you are "stuck" with them, especially when he is not there. Secondly, I don't know the situation that you are in with insurance and counceling, but I know that my insurance has an employee assistance program. I never even knew something like this existed, so you might want to look into it. It is a 1-800 number that you call and talk to some one over the phone about your problems. They assess what is going on and recommend someone in person that you can go to. The call is free, and for my insurance the first 7 visits are too. I know that this just adds extra stress because it is sharing things about you with perfect strangers, but it might be worth it. Finally, don't feel that you are alone or second-guess your marriage. When you start feeling this way, look at your beautiful children and think about how much they need you and love you and how they couln't live without you. You are needed and loved and don't count yourself out.